another supposedly opens. Well, this year many doors have closed. This month, one of the most important doors of my life was closed: the one that lead to forever with the man I love. What an awful, gut-wrenching year. It's been so hard to find hope, as I'm sure everyone who's reading this knows. We all have dark periods in our lives. This one has lasted so long, I can't really remember when I felt ok, but I know it's been a while. What do you do when you feel beaten to the ground? How do YOU cope? I cry a lot, talk to my close friends, and try to plan a way out, however hard it seems. I won't lie: I don't see a way through right now. I'm facing two more surgeries next year, and it's a heavy load. My dream of having a family seems to have been crushed, though there's still a chance. I wish I could escape in photography, the one job that doesn't feel like a job. I'm envious of people who live their lives never knowing chronic pain. It changes you. I've changed. I don't have the same gumption that I used to. I feel worn out, and I'm only 38. I hear stories about people who've overcome such tragedy and wonder how they summoned the courage and bravery to get through it all. Their stories are usually far more harrowing than mine, and so I start questioning things like my strength. Right now I have the strength to make it through the day. Each day is challenging, but it always ends and I am safe in my bed at night. I am grateful to have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and common sense in my brain. I know what I have to do, and every single day I know I am working hard to achieve my goals. That's all anyone can do, right? I know there are so many other people suffering out there as well. I would love to hear your story. You never know, we might even have something in common! I hope to hear from you soon.
Warmly,
Susan
Warmly,
Susan
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